Suicide Prevention Month

Abigail Cosby

My name is Abigail Cosby and I am a part of BATS (Bringing Awareness to Students) and Springfield High School Mental Health Task Force. I think talking about suicide is very important, especially because it is Suicide Awareness Month. Suicide is the 11th cause of death in the world, and in 2022, 49,476 people died from death by suicide. These numbers are concerning, and as fellow humans, we should do our part to learn and try to prevent those around us. Especially those we care about, from becoming a part of this statistic.

As a member of the youth, I also see a concerning amount of death by suicide in my age group. In kids aged 5-9, it is the 10th leading cause of death, and in “..young adults 15-24 years old in the U.S., the rate of death by suicide in 2019 was about 14 per 100,000 people.” To grasp the fact that people I see every day at school could be a part of this statistic at some point because they feel hopeless is extremely concerning as I was once in their place.

When I was a freshman, I struggled a lot with depression and anxiety. I had a lot of trouble with my attendance, my grades weren’t the best at times, I had some underlying health concerns and I was overall struggling a lot. It kept spiraling and it felt like I was completely out of control. I had friends, but I wasn’t honest with them and didn’t feel as if I could tell anyone what was going on. I felt like I had no resources or place to go, and I was often hopeless as a result. Our school had nobody for me to go to, and it was tough to get ahold of the proper resources. I put my energy into others hoping it would help me feel better and fill the anxious void that I was feeling. I convinced myself that I could put on a brave face and “suck it up” because I thought everyone else did.

These feelings continued halfway through my sophomore year and ultimately worsened, although I had more friends and felt less lonely. People around me were concerned, but, even I didn’t realize how bad it was. I brushed it off because “I’d do better tomorrow.” But when I put off taking care of myself and getting better, I would treat it like every other thing I procrastinated. It would sit there and pile up until I finally realized and took care of it.

I think of myself as a water bottle, similar to the bucket-filling analogy. I would let these issues, like dropping little leaves into the water, build up until they eventually had no room to float or sink. Except I had no water, therefore, I had no concept of a reflection, and I was honestly scared to look. To see all the things I had let go in the process of putting off taking care of me, was too much.

Even today, I struggle with this prospect. I have suffered consequences for those years of my life. I wish I hadn’t made myself feel worthless by asking for help. I should have done it sooner. I had pushed everything I desired to the side, and I wasn’t doing well. I had no idea who I was anymore, as I neglected myself and my mental health so badly. I felt like I was living for someone else for 2 years. It’s a very trippy feeling to be on the other side of it. After trying to cope on my own and ‘suck it up’ for so long (which is not a good strategy!), I ultimately chose halfway through my junior year to see a counselor.

Getting to the choice of seeing a therapist was difficult, I had debated it off and on for a while. But I think with the turnaround I made at the beginning of my junior year, with the events that occurred. Such as losing my job, meeting my best friend, taking rigorous classes, and thinking about my future.  It all encouraged me to take more steps to be the person I wanted to be, and I’m happy I did.

Through this process, I had to learn who I was, not who others wanted me to be. I feel like I didn’t start living the life I wanted to until my junior year. But I've learned this is okay. We're all on this journey, which isn't about the speed, but the destination. I’ve also learned that more people than I could ever imagine care about me and believe in me, and this has been a difficult perspective to learn.

When in a deep spiral, your head can make you feel very isolated and lonely. Making others seem like they don’t care, and ultimately making them seem like they don’t want to be in your life.

Not only does my therapist help me, but my outlets as well. Music, art, books, school work, hobbies, helping others, and many more have kept me here. Outlets are so important to who I am today! I’m so happy to be here, to be able to live this beautiful life, and find out who I am. I still struggle with Anxiety disorder and inattentive ADHD, which are challenging at times. But I feel immense relief learning about myself and how to cope with these things actively. Getting better and seeing progress feels way better than holding onto the dark places we may find ourselves in.

I am in disbelief every day at what I’m capable of now that I’ve begun my path to mental wellness. I am so blessed to be in a position to help others receive the care and support they need when struggling. I am so grateful that I had people around me who supported my decision to go to therapy and believed in my struggles with mental health. This is a luxury that not everyone has. I hope one day, with progress, everyone can understand that taking care of mental health is just as important as taking care of physical health.

With that, I know accessing therapy and other resources for mental health can be difficult, so I’ve included a few places you can access for free. I will also include informational resources if you're interested in learning about suicide prevention. Help is available and extremely important, you are not alone. Don’t be afraid to ask if you need support, ask someone close to you or that you trust to do it with you. It can make it less scary and feel less daunting. Getting help is worth it. Even if you can’t see a bright version of yourself in the mirror right now, it exists. Every moment is worth living. 

I am so thankful to be here, and I'm so happy that you are too. Take care of yourself, your neighbor, and everyone around you. Choosing kindness and taking time out of your day to check in on others will make this world a better place. Let's pay it forward.

The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, across the United States and its territories. The 988 Lifeline is comprised of a national network of over 200 local crisis centers, combining local care and resources with national standards and best practices.

https://988lifeline.org/get-help/

The Trevor Project: The Trevor Project’s crisis counselors are available 24/7 to provide support to young people in crisis on the platforms they spend their time — online and on the phone. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

Mental Health America: Mental Health America advances the mental health and well-being of all people living in the U.S. through public education, research, advocacy and public policy, and direct service.

https://mhanational.org/get-help

Finding Treatment: the confidential and anonymous resource for persons seeking treatment for mental and substance use disorders in the United States and its territories.

https://findtreatment.gov/

Ohio Suicide Prevention Foundation: Saving lives by connecting every Ohioan to hope, help, and suicide prevention resources.

https://www.ohiospf.org/